i can feel the soil falling over my head

its so easy to laugh, its so easy to hate. it takes strength to be gentle and kind.
its so easy to laugh, its so easy to hate. it takes guts to be gentle and kind.

love is natural and real
but not for you, my love, not tonight, my love
love is natural and real
but not for such as you and i, my love.

a friend in need

i have some company now through the rest of the storm- i found a kitten on the stairs crying at the rain about an hour ago. shes now made herself quite comfortable on a blanket in the closet. just like andrew said, she needed some TLC and H&H. (half and half) :)

im in a bottle, but jeannes out there

*sigh* i wish my family were here. they apparently wanted to "hunker down" with the best of them, and stayed behind in orlando. it may have been a good idea since hurricane jeanne went south of them, on its westerly track, not turning north until they were out of the path. still, they are having strong winds there now, 71 mph! winds have steadily increased here in lutz and, as it turns out, the hurricane is coming straight towards me.

i knew i would get a lucky break one of these storms.

im home, obviously, but not by force though. i am packing for my trip and so far i have my money belt and passport ready. oh, and a paperback book i found at work. oh and, well.. thats it actually. i really need to focus. focus, now, focus...

sorry, suitcase, the wind is distracting me. its blowing ferociously in bursts and the trees i love so dearly are bending as if doing some twisted type of curtsy, bowing to the fury of jeanne. (pretty good metaphor, huh, or is it analogy?) either way, i hope they survive. jeanne's bloody eye is expected in lutz around noon. 2.5 hours countdown begins!

you would think im actually happy about this hurricane, wouldnt you? i admit my heart has greatly desired this.

perhaps i will learn my lesson the hard way. i just heard a tree snap and the lights are beginning to flicker. i feel more like an observer of this storm, snug in my living room with a mug of coffee, watching it as if its happening somewhere else and not in my backyard. others are not so fortunate.

because i want to see people and i want to see lights

take me out tonight
oh take me anywhere, i dont care i dont care
and in the darkened underpass
i thought oh god my chance has come at last
(but then a strange fear gripped me and i just couldnt ask)

there is a light that never goes out

The Smiths
The Queen is Dead

i do so want to go home.

the smell in the air of cut grass and memories

a lovely morning today, cool and breezy! of course, they began cutting the grass in the midst of my last hour of sleep, which was a bit noisy. i have a few things on my mind. 1) my upcoming trip and packing, 2) work and the list that i need to accomplish there, 3) hurricane jeanne - of course theres a storm on my mind, or else i couldnt be called a floridian, and 4) uhm, hmm.. my coffee and this little debbie snack ive been staring at.

this weekend is absolutely it- i must finish packing (i havent even begun) and i have to get a certain amount of work completed at my job. i do work a day and a half next week, but i dont really plan on "being" there. :) then if jeanne comes close to orlando, i will have some transplants visiting me on sunday. mom and dad are the type to flee to the mountains, but deb, cam and andrew love to ride these things out. i suppose im more of a rider myself, but when it comes to doing it alone, i would rather have some company. then again, you can be alone in a house full of people, especially if you are the only one in the hallway with a book, taking heed of each and every tornado warning issued. and then there is the issue of this debbie snack...

i was thinking that i should be able to blog once or twice while on my trip, maybe even post a few photos. either way, i will have loads of photos on my return. i was also wondering if my plants will make it without me watering them for 9 days. hmm, now thats a new dilemma.. and chris, whats a good fertilizer for the ficus tree?

see you at the 11 am update for jeanne.

back to the old house

i went to arcadia tuesday with deb and mom. it was devastating to see the damage from charley. the familiar afternoon downpour made the town look even more bleak, with hard and fast raindrops blowing side-ways against the glass as we sat inside with our lunch. our old house is in shambles, but i dont think thats it all to do with the hurricane. we made a few circles around it, with deb taking pictures from the passenger side. images from my childhood superimposed themselves over the current state of the house, but it wasnt enough to delete the overwhelming sense of disrepair. the garage door is hanging literally on one hinge and the grass is high in both front and back yards. there is a big oak down, too. sadly, i think that it was the only one of those oaks that lined airport road that was easy to climb.

there are new post-office boxes in the middle of all the streets, on the one road that runs perpendicular to the fruit streets. maybe they replaced them that way because of damage? the treeline is so drastically changed throughout the entire town, that i could hardly recognize some of the main streets.

the weather has cooled here considerably, enough so i can sleep with my windows open to enjoy the breezes. it hasnt been restful sleep, though, and the last few days i have found myself awake before dawn, sleepily looking up from my bed out my window at the early morning sky. there were a few bright stars strung among the grey and blue of the horizon, and vaguely i recognized orion and his belt, even though my mind was still fuddled with dreams. the sight lasted for but a moment before i turn and close my eyes again, but its as if i had gazed upon it for hours. the trees are swaying and a bird calls with a song i do not know. the morning insects start to wake, even while the traffic begins to hum in the distance. the sun is near, but i still sleep.

maybe thats why i cant get to work on time these days.

change is good

i am thinking about changing my blog address. a certain person recently threatened to take every thing ive written and distribute it at work, which made me feel more than a little nervous about my posts. im really dont think i have any constant readers, but for those that do come and peruse, im sure i will let you know the new address if it comes to that. for the person that threatened me, you know who you are and why you must be punished with exile.

life these days has been a mix of slow, lazy days and intense, fast-paced work days. im getting ready for my trip; trying to get things together now so it doesnt come down to the night before and i find myself scrambling to locate my passport. i always make a list when it comes to packing and then i usually discard it somewhere along the line when i begin to pack too many clothes and things i "might" need.

i hope it goes well, with no custom issues or dogs smelling our bags. i heard a bit of good news; i get my own room. perhaps i will order room service or make prank phone calls. do they have laws against that over there?

tomorrow my parents and brother are coming over. yay! im glad to have them for company and plus, they are bringing the entertainment shelf that they gave me when they moved. i had the shelf before, when i still lived at home. deb and i had a bitter fight over it and she just would not budge, insisting that she should get to keep it, instead of me taking it to my new place. i backed down, impressed, but a little frightened. she was always so cute when she was fiesty, but dont tell her i said so.

gotta run, its reading-time.

tired... 

the words you scribbled on the walls...

where.. i.. am...
my palms are sweaty, im barely listening...

my mother called me tonight, her voice changing quickly from one of cheerful hellos to somber warnings. 'i want you to come here this weekend', she said, her voice breaking slightly. i know, i know. another hurricane. the path has actually changed a lot from yesterday and it does seem it will veer out into the gulf, perhaps crashing into an unsuspecting texas or louisiana. its sad how floridians these days talk about upper winds and well-defined eyes as enthusiastically as the weathermen on the tv.

whereas i, i talk about taking a boat into the gulf and seeing if i can ride out the waves. or at least, i could stand in my parking lot and see if i can stand up straight as the winds come in.

ladders and men

im glad that my instincts, even when in a sleep stupor, are pretty sharp. 20 minutes after closing the blinds looking over my bed, the workmen came. i think they are finally going to be done with the painting, nearly 2 months after they started.

so i played the radio for them louder and made sure to keep away from the windows, should those blinds not really make me as invisible as i think.

meanwhile, mom, dad, andrew, em and chris risk their lives on white water in tennessee 

first trees to go 

some pics of the area here...eye of frances expected around 20:30 today 

270 miles E of Grand Turk

yeah, its past my bedtime. but the lightning is so bright and yes, im having trouble sleeping again. this night i am thinking about the new hurricane that is coming our way. this has been a stressful month for all of florida; first bonnie, then charley and now frances. they promise nasty weather for the whole state this weekend. and just when mom and dad were going to take a trip up to tennessee, too. i have a feeling that dad will be called upon to stay behind at his job, to be on-hand for any emergencies. and that makes me worried for him. leave mickey to fend for himself, dad! hes got an army of magical friends to help him, anyway.

soon enough florida will be under even more water and have even more stressed out residents. after this, we should all get a free therapy session.