the cat with two heads!

whats better than two kittens? three kittens! i knew i would need those claw trimmers again and we've already gotten a food dish. let's see... ill need some
*kitty litter
*collar
*make dr appt
*flea medicine
*scratching post
*cat bed
*cat treats
this is going to be fun.
maybe a little pricey.

ok, so my sim diamond is not really green at all these days. still, im pretty sure ill survive.

i just need to drink the right potion.

and so the end is nigh.

my apartment looks like the day i first moved in. i find myself counting down the time until im gone... two nights looking at the stars, one more meeting, two more showers, one more nighttime walk...

in my dream, i was sobbing and i could not catch my breath. my dad had thrown a grenade at the old arcadia house because my company (in that weird way dreams connect) had made him. in my dream, i had lost my childhood home. in the waking world, i was losing another sort of home.

and so the breakdown i was doing so well in avoiding has come full swing. im grumpy, easily annoyed and very anti-social. im skipping out on a wedding this weekend because i dont want to pretend to be happy. im content playing sims all day.. and i mean all day. i read a lot and get emotionally attached to the characters in my stories. i talk to myself and sniffle occasionally; more often though, its more than a sniffle. i snap at people, i dont have any good jokes and i avoid or dont return peoples phone calls or emails.

im on the balcony, looking down.

everything good about the new house makes us comment about its previous real owner, dave.

the party mix is playing over kristian's speakers. 'this house hasnt heard music this good since dave was alive.'

a new flower is discovered in a nook of the garden. 'i have a feeling dave has a lot of surprises in store for us in this garden.'

enjoying a beer in the sky chair. 'don't you wish dave was here?'

tomorrow is sandras wedding. :)

open bar :))

last night, my phone started vibrating at the meeting. i couldnt resist a peek and was surprised to see it was my dad calling. didnt they know i would be at meeting? i put my purse down and concentrated on the meeting again. in the middle of the talk about abraham, it hit me that they may be calling about an emergency.. what if there had been an accident? what if it was andrew? or it could be mom or dad.. what if they are hurt or ill?

worry nagged at me.

i finally got up and went to the ladies room to check the msg, which ended up being very brief and lacking in information. i called her and yeah, she was only calling to tell me the news about their apartment place going condo.

sigh.

note to self: kristian has no sympathy for elderly women telemarketers.

are invasive species really so bad?

i know i love 'em.

ive had a lot of changes in my life lately, so i feel i deserve a minor meltdown here and there. thus far, i have been able to stave off the major ones; you know the ones that leave you gibbering and drooling while planning to jump off your balcony, even though its sure to just leave you with a few broken bones since its only 3 stories and not very high.

so far, anyway.

there are some interesting tomb pictures here - one or two names that might stand out.

www.eastpepincemetery.com

i liked finding out that the woman that sold the house was not the one with the green thumb. since she gave kristian such a hard time, i couldnt imagine that she was the one to work with all these plants with such care. so, when we learned from a neighbor that it was actually her deceased husband, dave herceg, that was the plant-lover, i felt immediately relieved. we also learned that he had grown up in this home and it had been passed down to him. his grandfather built the home in 1926. maybe he passed down the green thumb, too?

kristian showed me some discoveries in the shed and we could tell this was dave herceg's haven, too. there were old underwear folded neatly and ready to be used for rags. all kinds of tools, and organized wood peices, like the stakes used in the railing for the small fence by the backdoor. there was paint and varnish on one side, and a table with a lamp for detailed work. it was by no means immaculate, but it was organized. and near the door was a huge bag of birdseed made especially for cardinals.

im sure the cardinals will miss him. in a way, i do, too.

the secret garden

the yard is a good size, full of small alcoves and secluded spots. in the previous weeks, i would stroll through the walk-worn trails, trying to identify those plants that i knew by sight. it was still cold then, my breath coming out in small clouds, and many of the plants were still dormant. no flowers were budding, no trees showed their bright green spring growth; only the small azaleas were bursting with blossoms, both white and violet. i had grand ideas even then, but really i just enjoyed discovering what else lay in this dappled green space.

now, weeks later, after plenty of rain and warm sunshine, the yard is coming alive and is full of more surprises. where once it seemed there were only ferns, now an amaryllis bloomed three fist-sized flowers, red-orange and delicate, despite their size. on the outskirts of a tall and wide pile of branches, sticks and twigs, grew a sunflower about 4 feet tall. in one corner, a small, ruffled purple flower reaches toward the sun, making a nice compliment to the gnarled and black tree stump beside it. its this spot that seems especially isolated to me, because the trees and palms nearly enclose the space entirely, and i feel a small shiver. i can't hear the road from here, and most of the house is blocked from view. i peer into the depths of the bushes, hoping to spot one of the rogue cats that travel this area, but all i see is blackness. there are glads pushing up their spiky leaves here and other small leafy plants showing promise of blooms. the earth is black and rich.

i put my imaginary stake in the ground with my personal banners flying and declared this land as my own.

today kristian is sliding across the hardwood floor in his new house, in naught but his skivvies and socks.

well, maybe not really.

but that would be fun.

as i swished my feet through the silvery grass last night, heading for the park bench after a run, i wondered if i should worry about snakes. i made more noise as i walked, just in case. i didnt linger at the bench either, though it was a moonlit night and the stars were enticing. in case there were unsavory characters nearby, like the wild rabbits that live in the grove of trees near that very same park, i was alert and ready to flee. i cant say ive ever seen a person of that description in the park, night or day, but i was wary still.

i felt silly for thinking that way.

in truth, i fear many things, nearly all of them more real than imagined.

walking back towards my place, i stared hard at the shadows. i couldnt help it; even as i past the edge of the wood, dark and full of imagined menace, adrenalin flowed and i sprinted the last few feet into the safety of the street lamp.

and even then, i was not truly safe.

everybodys going to the party, have a real good time

hi. its monday! and my apartment is an obstacle course. but at least i found that missing piece for the dining room lamp that i exchanged for my chinese paper lamp 3 years ago. i was worried about that for a day or two. ive only been up for an hour and 15 mins and ive already packed 3 boxes and cleaned out (mostly) the little storage closet. last night i amazed myself with my willingness to get rid of clothing! from tee shirts, to old man pants (i had an astonishing amount of them) to skirts i had not worn in years.. all went into a big garbage bag for the next yard sale at the new house. i just hope it sells.. even if not, it will go to goodwill. what do you think, .25 each item? or could i dare as high as 50 cents?

one pile is for deb; it consists of higher caliber items that she might like.

no wonder my mom wanted to get me on that make-over show. even though i still think its a mean idea.

12 cats, here i come!

this is cool.. i get to leave here at 20:00! sadly, one of the first things i thought in regards to this was, whats on tv friday nights now? really really sad. i hope that the tv takes a lesser part in my life when im in the house. but really, i dont watch it that much. this week was a bit excessive, because most of my evenings were free. plus, its a nice thing to do while you pack boxes, kinda keeps your mind off the cardboard cuts.

patrick and robin havent really told me what they think of the move. (those are my fish, btw) i have a feeling they will like it, minus the part about the cats. im sure i will train those kittens to respect their fellow animals by not, uhm, eating them. two kittens doesnt seem like enough... i am already planning for future batches of kittens...

does anyone want this snazzy 'fire safety team' hat in fire engine red?

#1 song to listen to when feeling sad (according to a bbc survey) - the smiths, 'i know its over'. morrissey always made me feel happy about being sad.

Oh mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
and as I climb into an empty bed
oh well, enough said
I know it's over still I cling
I don't know where else I can go, mother
Oh mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
see, the sea wants to take me
the knife wants to slit me
do you think you can help me?
Sad veiled bride, please be happy
handsome groom, give her room
loud, loutish lover, treat her kindly
although she needs you more than she loves you
And I know it's overstill I cling
I don't know where else I can go
it's over, it's over, it's over
I know it's over
and it never really began
but in my heart it was so real
and you even spoke to me and said:"If you're so funny
then why are you on your own tonight?
and if you're so clever
then why are you on your own tonight?
if you're so very entertaining
then why are you on your own tonight?
if you're so very good looking
why do you sleep alone tonight?
I know because tonight is just like any other night
that's why you're on your own tonight
with your triumphs and your charms
while they are in each other's arms
It's so easy to laugh
it's so easy to hate
it takes strength to be gentle and kind
it's over, over, over
It's so easy to laugh
it's so easy to hate
it takes guts to be gentle and kind
it's over, over, over

Love is natural and real
but not for you, my love
not tonight my love
love is natural and real but not for such as you and I, my love
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head

tuna, rubber

last night i was fully awake. so awake after midnight that i got up, watched some dave letterman and paced my small apartment for awhile. ive heard that you should never just stay in bed when you are having trouble sleeping; that getting up for a time helps. in my case, it didnt seem to make a difference.

really, it only made me even more aware of how empty my apartment is becoming. earlier that evening, i took most of the knick-knacks off the entertainment shelf; its easy to dismantle while watching alias. i removed the nails that held my pictures to the wall and stacked them with care in cardboard, next to the random sheet for cushioning. the walls are nearly bare. the fridge is devoid of magnets - only the bottle opener remains. the counters are loaded with stacked boxes, all marked fragile, all marked careful.

for a few minutes, maybe more, i watched one mosquito, then two, land and hover around my screened window. i flicked them off into the night to go harrass something they could actually bite. i listened for the whippoorwill that has recently arrived back in the neighborhood, but i only heard frogs and crickets, making no attempt to sing in unison. i stared at the ceiling. i made mental lists of things i have to put back to apartment standard before leaving. i thought about the house i would be living in soon, wondering whether i would be nervous without the sounds i am used to hearing, here in my bed in #311.

dad decided to come too! what a nice surprise. would like to show them the cube, but i suppose its not so important. ill wait until i have the office.

jesse cracks me up! seriously, i would be wasting away here if it wasnt for him.

so im re-thinking my plans. there is a job that has caught my attention and tonight i am going to apply online. what have i got to lose? peace of mind, a salary.. sure. but real peace of mind, well, thats way above what a high-paying job can provide.
...
still, im going to give it a go.
...
i just did it. i posted.
am i getting too excited too early?
...
tomorrow is my last night working until 10 PM - woo hoo!! whatever will i do with a few extra evening hours?
...
i have been sneezing all day.
...
why is it when i call my family i always have to affect a british or country accent? today emily did it to me at work and i just had to play along. she gave it up when i said i needed to put her on hold to check on the alleged fraud issue she was having. it made me smile.