an image of last night's lunar eclipse.. www.photosig.com/ go/photos/browse?id=15967 

im not living.. im just

I'll drown my beliefs
To have you be in peace
I'll dress like your niece
To wash your swollen feet

Just don't leave
Don't leave

I'm not living
I'm just killing time
Your tiny hands
Your crazy kitten smile

Just don't leave
Don't leave

And true love waits
In haunted attics
And true love lives
On lollipops and crisps

Just don't leave
Don't leave

Just don't leave
Don't leave

keep the light! i fear the coming of night and with it, sorrow.

if you lay on the rug that stretches down the length of my small hallway, you are afforded an interesting view of my apartment. from the bedroom with the comforter thrown half-way off the bed, to a small patch of the living room, with the leaves of the ficus tree very green against the walls.. its even a cozy spot to rest when one is restless.

shallow breathing

im home today and thoroughly tethered to a book. i dread reading the upcoming chapters because, although i know the story well, i fear reliving the story. i will push on.

im fortified with toast but lost among the words.

its good to have a story to escape too - if theres not a bound form handy, i always have those that are in my mind. is it healthy to dream so much?

dreaming does at least get my mind off the rumors that i will lose my job in the next few months. it does cover over the fact that im not too happy these days. and i can always count on them to help me slip into oblivion every night. maybe its only unhealthly if you are stuck in those dreams and unable or unwilling to return to the waking world. i cant say that the idea isnt appealing.

perhaps one day, you will see me in your dreams - waving to you from my own, saying hello, how are you, with a look of complete content on my face.

and then joe you were telling me sure, you would water the plants, and that there is a houlihans in boston.

untold

'you dont know it yet, but you and i have a secret,' i thought as he walked by. i smiled.

gooooo red sox!

oh, did i mention how cool it is that the red sox won? i actually know a few things about baseball now so if you feel like being regaled with a play-by-play, gimme a call. a plus was seeing jeter's face at one point in the game, looking very aggravated. usually, hes just dead-pan on the field. hes a lousy tipper, too.

does anyone know when the series starts?

(ok, so im not totally aware of everything yet)

just ... working.. the pizza down...

i should not have eaten cicis pizza this late at night.
i really should not have drank that pepsi, either.

now i will be hyper and the whole cycle will start over tomorrow night. please pray for me.

on the other hand, i have the energy to make up labels here at work on the company's dime, labels for just about everything i own. i also print stuff in color just so i can muse at the glorious beauty of it, not to mention catching up on the blogs i follow and this posting. i guess being here until 10 isnt all bad. just wish i had brought my coloring books.

hey, im looking for a new hair style. please post your recommendations for me. i just ask that you do not suggest mullets, etc. thanks.

i cant make out the bible book, but as best as i can manage this one reads, 'it is sometimes to your advantage to die than to live' sometimes, i tend to agree.

you have a bible, you can look up phil 1:21. the quote on the bottom is pretty much taken from that text, 'for me death is my gain.' (i risked a flash near the end) 

this is one of the best views. flash photography was not allowed so most turned out dim.  

the walls were made up of femurs and skulls - tossed behind them were the rest of the bones 

the skull i caressed seemed to have a bullet hole through the forehead 

loosely translated, this doorway says 'stop! here is the kingdom of the dead.' for more info on the catacombs, visit http://triggur.org/cata/ 

heres a picture of a picture. some silly boat cruise down the river seine. i fell asleep. 

home lovers

so id like to buy a house and i have a few questions:

do i need a real estate agent?
how much do they cost?
is it safe for me to live alone in a house?
is it true that 90% of first-time home owners die in their first year? (j/k)
i want more property than home- about how much will 1 acre and a small house cost me in pasco?
how much are the fees up front?
can i get extra money from the government?
should i buy now while i still have a job?
what will be my downpayment?
how much money would the bank loan me?

owning a home is not the fulfillment of the "american dream" for me. i think thats crap propagated by the government to get the american people in heavier debt so the GDP will go up. (for details about how we are headed for the real Great Depression, please call me)
still im attracted to the thought of having my own place, my own yard and plenty of walls. i would love some input from all you home-owners out there. should i stay or should i go?

"the most important things are the hardest things to say. they are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them -- words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. but its more than that, isn't it? the most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. and you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought that it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. thats the worse, i think. when the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller, but for want of an understanding ear."

-steven king, the body

baseball, who knew it?

last night my atrocious headache kept me from watching the last 3 innings of the game. not sure why i was even watching it in the first place, really. i couldnt call myself a baseball fan at all, though i do own a red sox tee (thanks joe). either way, i missed seeing their win and laid in bed instead, willing my head to stop hurting.

my thoughts turned to the years i worked at houlihans, while trying to forget the throbbing; memories undoubtedly sparked by seeing someone i used to work with at the restaurant at the blues show last night. i reminisced about a few people i was glad to have met... chris, greg, mark, kent, andrea, andie...until i was distracted yet again by a noise outside, like the creeping of a small animal, and being so awake with the pain and the caffeine in the excedrin that was just starting to seep into my system, i took a look outside. sorry, dear reader, i did not see anything. but i sensed whatever it was, just inside the copse of trees. i watched for a few minutes and the air was cool and soothing. for awhile, i believed it might be my kitty friend (who, by the way, is doing well. i said hello to him last night in the parking lot), but i think it is something bigger than a domestic cat. the noises continued through the night, with breaking twigs, rustling leaves and shuffling steps. i woke again at 5:30 am with several mosquito bites on the appendages i had left out of the covers- neck, face and foot. in my stupor, i had left the screen door open and one resourceful mosquito, drawn by the carbon dioxide i exhaled, feasted on a relatively quiet victim. i killed it a few minutes later and wiped my own blood off the wall, surprised my aim was good enough to get him on the first try. when i fell asleep again, i got in a few hours of good rem, ending with a rather spicy dream, involving a very forward japanese man who looked suspiciously like matsui.

some how, in the end, i made it back to baseball.

today

"a name is better than good oil, and the day of death than the day of one's being born."

ecclesiastes 7:1

its friday

how i love friday mornings. so quiet and peaceful.
how i hate friday afternoons. so hectic and maddening.

i will try to write more of my experiences later today. for now, i will try to enjoy the remainer of my grain toast and coffee with cream.

the rain has arrived.

sigh

je suis à la maison.