is this job even important? does it really mean that much? should i be keenly concerned about my livelihood and how i will support myself once the severance is over or is it likely that i will find a job with comparable pay within 4 months? though this happens to many people each year, is it still a sad event for those going through it right now?
if you answered yes to any of those questions, you and i are on the same line of thought. so why is it that, outside my family, maybe only one or two people have actually expressed some sympathy for my situation? its not that i want gushing condolences, just a few words. heres a few examples of what would be nice to hear.
'im sorry to hear that. what are your plans?'
'wow, thats too bad!'
'oh no! thats terrible! how long did you work there?'
asking questions shows the one you are conversing with that you are concerned about them. to emphasize even more that you are listening to them and seeing their point of view, you could even rephrase their answer.
'oohhh, you worked there five years and they are letting you go??'
'okay, so let me get this straight, they are closing the site which eliminates nearly 2000 employees??'
'so your last day is at the end of july? that must be tough to think about.'
one listening block that is a sure way to push your conversation partner aside is by doing whats called 'identifying'. this means you take my situation or problem and tell me about a time that you went through or heard of something similar. here is what you should avoid in this regard:
'oh, you lost your job? yeah i remember that at capital one they didnt give any notice, be thankful that didnt happen to you.'
'yeah, i was laid off like that before. and guess what package i got? nothing! at least you are getting some money.'
'thats nothing! my husband was laid off after 15 years of service!'
statements like that, though they seem to be empathetic, are actually putting my situation on the backburner. instead of really listening, your mind is racing ahead to find a chance to jump in with a story of your own. that doesnt make me feel valued.
wont you please step into the Awareness Circle with me?
3 comments:
well for this one time, i know exactly what your going through. cause you know i went through the same. people as me those questions too, but only after i tell them I'm not employed. then they give me a look like, uuhh...your not working? like im some bum. if you have a plan, great, if not, take it in stride. it'll work itself out, just might take longer then u are used to.
haha....i just read the end of your post. i guess i did that very thing, threw my story in there first. well steph, i hope you do what you want to do. oh by the way, i got you a gift, i saw it and had to buy it. is there an address i can send it to you at? email me and let me know. be happy, you got kitties :)
hehe. its ok. you were one of the few who were understanding about it... still are. did the same things happen to you? im not even NOT working yet and i feel a bit alienated. ill send my address soon.
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