i have some good news! the eye-twitching has stopped! (i gave this tremendous news only one sentence, but for those of you that are close to me, you will realize the significance.)
my stomach is growling. boiled egg or a cadbury egg? (im a sucker for at least one of those this time of year.) im doing my best to be productive today even though im not home. ive already sanded down 4 chairs in preparation for varnishing. i do have so much more energy on the days im not at work. well, a different sort of energy.
as i sanded, my mind wandered. i realized it was just a month ago that we were in TN, all of us, and how rare that was. my favorite few hours that week; my 3 sisters and brother, all in the hot tub, talking about our lives, questioning the other, listening and learning a little more about each other. talking about mom and dad and how things will be when they are older, where would they live? (personally, i hope to be in a place to have them live with me, did i mention that?) the conversation ranged from our jobs, our homes, our friends... i sometimes listened more than speaking. today, as i sanded, i thought about my sisters and wondered, now that we are grown, if there are any jealousies between us. i have to admit, i feel jealousy - but not begrudgingly. does that make sense? i see each of their small families and in some way, desire aspects of their lives. melissa, with her terrific job and seemingly unwavering confidence in herself. emily and her ability to speak her mind and overwelmingly generous spirit. debbie, with her easy-going nature and her intelligence. andrew and his sense of humor and listening ability. and then there are the nephews; i replay over and over in my mind the sweet little smile zeph gave me as he was in his carseat, ready to go home. i smile as i remember ezra dancing around my room at the cabin, insisting he didnt want to sing or learn a song, only to hear him sing it hours later, nearly perfectly. these arent my children! but they melt my heart every single time.
and so i find, its not really jealousy. its just longing.
No comments:
Post a Comment