never was a cornflake girl

i regarded the small, bright green tin, the light reflecting cheerfully off its shiny surface. i put it back because money is a concern of mine these days, but then, still under its spell, picked it up again and put it in my cart. later, once arriving home, i unpacked all the groceries until all that remained was the green tin, looking just as shiny and lovely as it did in the store. i found a place for it on the bathroom shelf.

at my parent's place, i scan the countertop of my mother's bathroom. there are bottles everywhere, various lotions and toners, in many different sizes, ranging from sample to travel to regular to jumbo. there is a small ceramic dish filled with several lip balms - i remembered at this point my moms recent trek to find the perfect balm for her lips; one struck my fancy, red in color and a small picture of a badger on the front, and i tried it out. a bit spicy, that one, but nice. i held onto it as i finished looking around, tipping bottles and tubes upward so i could read their ingredients and claims. a lot of herbal lotions, with cloying scents and cosmetics made from natural substances. 'tomato toner' i read, noticing the small bottle was nearly empty. i took one last envious glance around and left the room, balm still in hand.

'hey, mom, where'd you get this from? its pretty good.' i held up the small tin, the badger on the front looking mischeivious, and she, true to form, said 'cant remember, but you can have it if you want.' i feigned reluctance, even as i put it in my bag. my mom, ever the generous soul, usually gives away the things she searches so hard to find, since they never equal up to her expectations.

im a lot like her, i think, as i went thru my own ritual of personal hygiene before bed. a sucker for new products and old ones, too, always searching and trying new things to sooth the skin or the hair - to smooth out perceived flaws. sometimes i find something that seems to work a miracle; my face is tolerable to look at, my hair is behaving like hair should or even my feet seem more polished, like i spent the day at the beach.

but everytime, the products wear off and i am left with who i am, and only sometimes, do i feel happy with that.